Mel's sunset days

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Haus Gross

Mel's sunset days

"And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep."

Although he survived being shot in the head and has blessed us with his presence for the past 3 1/2 years, Mel was diagnosed with cancer on January 22, 2004.

Before the darkness comes we will enjoy the sunset together. Please join us in celebration of his life.

About a year ago (early 2003) Mel began favoring his left front leg. After a few days he hesitated to even put weight on it. Fearing the worst, we took him to the Vet for xrays. When the vet showed us the calcification of the connective tissue in his shoulder and told us that it was Biceps Bursitis, we nearly cried for joy! A well-placed injection and a course of anti-inflamatory/pain meds resolved it well.

Whenever it flared up (every few months) we gave him the oral meds and he was good as gold in a couple days.

In December he began limping again and we were concerned that the oral meds didn't relieve the pain. Another Vet exam, blood work to check his liver functions, and another injection did not relieve the symptoms which now included swelling in his left pectoral area.

A couple weeks later he was sedated and more x-rays were taken which showed nothing new. A sonogram revealed a tumor and fine-needle aspirations confirmed soft tissue cancer.

Given Mel's age (about 9 1/2) and the location of the tumor, removal would be difficult. Excising the mass with sufficient margins would necessitate the loss of most of his pectoral muscle, leaving his left leg practically useless.

The difficult decision regarding quality of life for Mel's remaining days leaves us with the obvious choice of pain management -- and preserving his dignity as the fearless and proud dog that we love. Others have been faced with similar choices and know the difficulty.

His delicious BARF diet, naturally low in the carbohydrates that cancers thrive upon, and suppliments* to support his immune system will be his weapon for as long as he can fight. Pain meds to allievate his suffering and our promise to him to release him when it's time to go to the Bridge will allow us to share a few more days together.

*See: http://b-naturals.com/Sum1998.php

Our heartfelt thanks to those who have supported us and continue to offer the love that comes from similar difficulties and HUGE hearts:

Jill, Judi, Randye, Lew, and so many others who have sent their thoughts and prayers.

We made you a promise to release you

Today is the day

Knowing it was time -- not waiting until he was stressed and in horrible pain -- was as simple as letting him "tell us".

The sadness of that reality was lifted for us by Mel. When we found the spot for the picnic he acted like he was a happy dog with just a limp. He walked, marked, kicked up scent and rested with us.

Randye was a life-saver for us. She shared the honor of meeting "The Man" and sat with us, sharing stories of her dogs and of Mel. We laughed together, cried together and had a wonderful time that we will treasure always.

Thank you Randye!

Mel's picnic

Remember me this way

Randye and Mel

Thank you, Randye

Barb & Braveheart

Love so deep....

The Look of Contentment

Mel smiling after his dinner -- turkey.

"My head bloodied, but umbowed..."

Thursday a.m., January 29, 2004

Two things stand out from all of the comforting things that folks have said during the last week: "We wish we had sent our dog a few days sooner...." and "He will tell you when it's time."

He is such a courageous boy. He is growing increasingly uncomfortable, walking on three legs, beginning to have difficulty finding a comfortable position to lay in for more than a little while.

We got home last night and he climbed up on the bed, settled into the pillows and gave me the look that I saw last Friday morning: the one that says

Mama, take this badge off of me
I cant use it anymore.
Its gettin' dark, too dark for me to see
I feel like Im knockin on heavens door.

He's not stress-panting, no pain vocalization, not guarding. Just tired.

And we promised him a week ago that we wouldn't wait. We will keep that promise.

We have an appointment with the Vet at 3:30 this afternoon. I'll pick up an oral med this morning to give him ahead of time and then we'll ask the vet to join us at the car for Mel's last journey.

But first we'll take a ride in the car an meet a friend at a park. Mel loves to ride, and Randye wants to meet "Braveheart" for the first, and last, time.

Thursday evening, 1/29/04

Candles are burning to light his way to Rainbow Bridge...

Mel crossed over at 4:30 this afternoon. I held his head as he quietly breathed his last and sat with him for a while.

It was not until we got home and were looking at photos that we took on the picnic that it struck me:

In the room at the vet's, sleeping peacefully, Mel didn't look at all like the tired boy who has been through so much. He was beautiful, sleek and healthy. That is his last gift to us -- the image of a proud warrior, resting in preparation for the celebration of his final victory.

Oh, Melly boy. Help me remember....

Flowers for his journey

20mg. Torbutrol & 50mg Acepromazine- Sleepy? No.

"...on some gloomy evening when the snow has buried all irrelevant detail, and the hush of elemental sadness lies heavy upon every living thing ... my pines, each with his burden of snow, are standing ramrod-straight, rank upon rank, and in the dusk beyond I sense the presence of hundreds more. At such times I feel a curious transfusion of courage." -Aldo Leopold